I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
