Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
