"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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