..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
