He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Send help, water and tortillas.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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