he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
