I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
