OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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