Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Are we in a gay sports bar?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
