im drinking this country out of the recession.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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