what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
