We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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