My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
