I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
