smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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