i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
