Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
