I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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