I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
