Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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