That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize