the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize