I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
