You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
