i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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