WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm at about main and main street
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
