I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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