I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
