My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
