Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
