Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
