I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
