Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
