I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
