I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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