im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
