I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
