i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
