every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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