I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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