theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
