dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
