last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
