Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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