I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have aggressive nipples.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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