I smell stomach acid.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
