if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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