they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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