he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
