dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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