the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
