My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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