I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
wow bdsm is so cute
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
