I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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