party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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