THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
