I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
