I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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