im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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