Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
