areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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