You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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