Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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