My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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