Kareoke will never be a sober sport
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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