I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
