i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
