Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Four minutes until I can fart!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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