yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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