random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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