im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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