I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
