god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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