so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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